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kraitI have SO MANY THINGS that I need to do in, y'know, real life. Everything from "file taxes" to "figure out how to find an apartment with roommate(s)". And I have SO MANY THINGS that I want need to do in online life, too, from "finish that one fic" to "finish that other fic" to "write for the HSKM Fillathon" to "make a rec post"!
I just can't seem to... do any of them?
I've spent years suspecting I have low-grade depression, and it's things like this that fuel my suspicions. Surely other people don't find everything in their life an impossible cliff-face of "how do I even start"?Seriously, though, let's have a talk about how our culture aggressively and very subtly normalises romance and marriage, and I could join twenty-nine separate sites dedicated to finding a romantic partner but can't name a single place dedicated to "I just need to find a person to live with who is NOT secretly expecting romance" offhand.
I feel like my ENTIRE LIFE has been on hold for ten eternal, useless years and my paid-for adulthood got lost in the mail; I want to have my own residence where I can live my own life, in really basic ways like having friends visit and making my own food! I wanted to be sterilised by age 25; I'm now closer to menopause than to that goal. I want to have a cat, for crying out loud. These are pretty freaking basic goals, and I feel like I'm about as close to them as I am to discovering unaided human flight. *rolls eyes* I hate whining to the internet, but - ! It feels like that's all I'm capable of doing.
In conclusion: I hate reality and the job market and my life from the perspective of a line graph. Considering that I'm pretty darn well-off anyway just makes me want to bite whatever's nearest to my teeth.
I just can't seem to... do any of them?
I've spent years suspecting I have low-grade depression, and it's things like this that fuel my suspicions. Surely other people don't find everything in their life an impossible cliff-face of "how do I even start"?
I feel like my ENTIRE LIFE has been on hold for ten eternal, useless years and my paid-for adulthood got lost in the mail; I want to have my own residence where I can live my own life, in really basic ways like having friends visit and making my own food! I wanted to be sterilised by age 25; I'm now closer to menopause than to that goal. I want to have a cat, for crying out loud. These are pretty freaking basic goals, and I feel like I'm about as close to them as I am to discovering unaided human flight. *rolls eyes* I hate whining to the internet, but - ! It feels like that's all I'm capable of doing.
In conclusion: I hate reality and the job market and my life from the perspective of a line graph. Considering that I'm pretty darn well-off anyway just makes me want to bite whatever's nearest to my teeth.
no subject
Date: 2013-04-12 05:47 pm (UTC)IF I get around to buying an apartment (so much money :'( !), I want to get a cat - even if I worry whether I'm even capable of caring for it (I have nightmares where I forget to feed my cats - for MONTHS).