urgh.

[krait]

I have SO MANY THINGS that I need to do in, y'know, real life. Everything from "file taxes" to "figure out how to find an apartment with roommate(s)". And I have SO MANY THINGS that I want need to do in online life, too, from "finish that one fic" to "finish that other fic" to "write for the HSKM Fillathon" to "make a rec post"!

I just can't seem to... do any of them?

I've spent years suspecting I have low-grade depression, and it's things like this that fuel my suspicions. Surely other people don't find everything in their life an impossible cliff-face of "how do I even start"? Seriously, though, let's have a talk about how our culture aggressively and very subtly normalises romance and marriage, and I could join twenty-nine separate sites dedicated to finding a romantic partner but can't name a single place dedicated to "I just need to find a person to live with who is NOT secretly expecting romance" offhand.

I feel like my ENTIRE LIFE has been on hold for ten eternal, useless years and my paid-for adulthood got lost in the mail; I want to have my own residence where I can live my own life, in really basic ways like having friends visit and making my own food! I wanted to be sterilised by age 25; I'm now closer to menopause than to that goal. I want to have a cat, for crying out loud. These are pretty freaking basic goals, and I feel like I'm about as close to them as I am to discovering unaided human flight. *rolls eyes* I hate whining to the internet, but - ! It feels like that's all I'm capable of doing.

In conclusion: I hate reality and the job market and my life from the perspective of a line graph. Considering that I'm pretty darn well-off anyway just makes me want to bite whatever's nearest to my teeth.

Comments

[sylvaine]

*hugs* I feel ya, particularly re: the insurmountable cliff of doing *anything*.