You know you read too much slash when (3)...

[krait]

You Know You Read Too Much Slash When (Part Three):


You cheered when Harry only described Cho's kiss as 'wet' but was
disappointed when Ron didn't offer to help him 'practice'
(vash_the_dork)

You cried at the end of OotP because they never got a chance to
express their love (vash_the_dork)

You collect stuffed wolves, and your favorite three are named remus, lupin, and Remus Lupin (vash_the_dork)

You wonder why the publishing company doesn't contact you to help
with the next book, because you can get a story out there faster than she can (vash_the_dork)

You have the Harry Potter Lexicon as your start-up page, and your
mother never bothers to ask why? (vash_the_dork)

You take every opportunity that your alone in the house to write and read until it's five minutes before your family's due back and you haven't done a single chore your mother asked (vash_the_dork)

You start a list like this hoping that you're not as obessed as you think you are only to find out it's worst than you ever thought (vash_the_dork)

You buy "The New Joy of Gay Sex" to help with research and the clerk looks at you funny because you've got two X chromosomes (vash_the_dork)

You convince your Pastor that the Bible isn't against gay sex, just bi-sexuals [It saids 'Thou shall not lay with a man as thy lay with a woman' so if you stick with one sex you're safe] (vash_the_dork)

You watch the Amazing Race just on the off chance that the gay
married couple kisses (vash_the_dork)

Every time you see the word 'come' in a story you automatically think of it in the sexual way (vash_the_dork)

Instead of imagining yourself in a compromising position with you cutemale co-worker, you imagine him with your other cute male co-worker. (Darth Katzchen)

You really do think everyone around you is gay (or at least bi), and are shocked when you're proven wrong. (Darth Katzchen)

Your laptop takes a one-way trip to the Ninth Level of Hell and you cry for three days because you lost all your fics/links. (actually, I broke stuff, then cried...) (Darth Katzchen)

You have the uncanny (and often frightening) ability to see/hear sexual innuendo in ANYthing. (Darth Katzchen)

You dream that you're a male. In a compromising position with another male. (Ki)

You print out 112 pages at work so that you have something to read on the bus home. (Ki)

While waiting for the printing to finish, you're reading more slash fics. (Ki)

You watch Spongebob Squarepants and think that Spongebob and Patrick are SO getting it on. And Squidward reminds you of Snape. (Ki)

You go to a pub and bring pen and paper just in case your muse hits. (Ki)

You bring pen and paper EVERywhere. (Ki)

You have to think twice to differentiate between canon and fanon. (Ki)

You're falling asleep when inspiration hits. You reach out for your pen and paper and write by the light of your mobile phone. (Ki)

You got kicked out of school largely because you spent so much time on slash fics, thus neglecting your work. (Ki)

You'd rather spend time at the computer reading slash than spend time with relatives visiting from out of town. (Jacquie)

You get upset when you have to stop reading slash to go on a two week vacation to Europe to see your sister. (Jacquie)

You go to a concert of your favourite band and realize you've zoned out for the last three songs because you were thinking of Harry and Severus. (Jacquie)

You stop watching TV, reading novels, listening to the news, etc. because HP slash is more important than real life. (Jacquie)

You've taken to putting your stuffed black Lab puppy next to your stuffed wolf, then hope that doesn't count as chan. (oddplaces)

You have drawn preliminary sketches for a Snape plushie. (oddplaces)

You honestly can't remember what sort of fanfic you read before you found HP/SS. (oddplaces)

You get detention with your stuck-up, kind of homophobe, prudish
Latin teacher, and by the end of have almost converted her to HP/SS. (Iani Ancilla)

You're packing for your 8-weeks stay in the UK for summer work, and before thinking of clothing and such trivialities you pack tons of slash fics. (Iani Ancilla)

You get to the airport and the smiling lady at the check-in tells you that your luggage is too heavy. You leave back a pair of shoes, a school-book and your shampoo/conditioner (to buy a new one when I arrive, I'm not Snape!!), but the thought of getting rid of the 200 pages of slash doesn't even cross your mind. (Iani Ancilla)

You're driving 450km home after a week away for work, and weep on and off most of the way after hearing "Unchained Melody" on the radio. Sushi, I will *never* get over The Last Dance. (snapetoy)

When you pack to go away for work, and the first question in your mind is which HP/SS you'll pack to take with you (snapetoy)

You're thrilled at going to Japan where your son lives because you'll be able to get HP/SS doujinshi (snapetoy)

.You have 11 lever arch files of HP fanfic (all SS, all the time), alphabetically sorted and indexed - and a bookshelf of fully bound favourites (snapetoy)

You're setting up the new network at work with the Administrator, and he says that we have to restrict everyone's access to porn - except yours (snapetoy)

No one at work blinks when 500 pages of HP/SS, double sided, comes out of the printer - they all know it's yours (snapetoy)

Your 21-year-old son living at home is concerned about a police raid on the house for porn, and it's not his he's worried about (snapetoy)

You used to print every single fic out, until you found out a pda would have a lot more fics on your hand than a 3-inch thick file. (Allegory)

All 1001 slash fics on your pda is locked with a password. Plus, the password has something to do with Harry Potter, something so obscure and slashy that no one else at work and school will ever open the fics. (Allegory)

Your livejournal name is based upon a "slashy" canon moment so tiny that it requires liberal imagination to "get it." (oddplaces)

You have to hold back in badfic discussion with friends, because you keep wanting to mention MPreg but then realise (just in time) that then you'd be outing yourself as a slash reader. (oddplaces)

When you plan your life around the next update of your favorite fic. (Shinigami Lupin)

You realize that your friends look at you stange when you try to get them to read your new story, they're warry of your pairings. (Shinigami Lupin)

You skip class to read the next chapter of a fic... You can always make up the work later. (Shinigami Lupin)

You wait until 2 hours before class you write a speech on a topic you've never heard about because you were reading or writing fics. (Shinigami Lupin)

You forget the rest of the world doesn't view male/male pairings in a positive light, and have to remind yourself that in the "real" world, there are a lot of people who don't like the idea of men having sex. (Barbara)

You forget that people discriminate against gays. (Barbara)

You think of two men having sex as normal.(Barbara)

You buy a new Sony Clie that supports higher capacity memory and a
removable battery just so that you can read slash at work... and no one will know. (Larissa)

You use every opportunity, waiting in line at the bank, grocery store, etc to read slash. The Clie never leaves you... it is your lifeline. (Larissa)

You must hide your Clie so that no one can see what files you have
stored on it to read. (Larissa)

You have NO Het fiction stored in your Clie. (Larissa)

You doodle SS + HP in an elegant angular script on your church
bulletin. (oddplaces)

You think the "hp" logo on your Hewlett Packard needs a
lightning bolt. (oddplaces)

You wonder whether I wrote that one before or after Snaples' computer-disaster fic. (It was before, actually.) (oddplaces)

You get home from work, get on the computer to look for new stories, and the next time you look up, it's time to go to bed.(Barbara)

You don't make dinner, because you want to look for new story parts, or re-read old ones.(Barbara)

You get up an hour early just so you can get on the net and read all those NC17 parts you can't read at work that were posted during the night.(Barbara)

You buy the Legos sets just so you can have Snape and Harry figures which you arrange to be snogging in your desk drawer at work. And you occasionally change their positions so Harry is on top.(Barbara)

You confuse Order of the Phoenix and Telanu's latest because you read them around the same time.(Barbara)

Your list of HP slash sites is the same length as your list of all your other bookmarked sites combined.(Barbara)

When your friends start looking strangely at you and saying "Stop
talking like Snape. It's disturbing." (Iani Ancilla)

When all your family, friends and even aquaintances know
what 'slash' is and what 'SS/HP' means. (Iani Ancilla)

When you don't even think about studying for your final exams on the following day (which will influence your whole life), since [insert random slash fanfic author] has posted a new chapter. (Iani Ancilla)

When you push the 'still' button on your vcr every 5 seconds during a HP film just to count the buttons on Severus's robe. (Iani Ancilla)

When you're always the first one to get completely drunk at slash drinking games, even though you hold alcohol pretty well. (Iani
Ancilla)

When you listen to a random song and think "Wow, this is *really* Sev/Harry!!". (Iani Ancilla)

When you're watching a Disney cartoon with your little cousin and you scar them for life shouting "KISS!! KISS!!!" whenever Aladdin and Jafar are on-screen. (Iani Ancilla)

Same thing as the precedent, but done with Sev/Harry in CoS. In a
cinema full of brats and their fussy mothers. (Iani Ancilla)

You keep notebooks and pens scattered throughoutyour house in case you are hit with a rabid plotbunny (vash_the_dork)

Said notebooks have 'Hello Kitty' on the front so nobody disturbs them (vash_the_dork)

You watch 'Princess Bride' and think it would be better with Severus as 'ButterCup' and Harry as 'Wesley/Dread Pirate Roberts' and so forth (vash_the_dork)

You watch a history special on PBS and think how you can use the
info in a fic (vash_the_dork)

You take your graduation gown(if it's black) and a black wig and go terrorize kids at the Harry Potter book parties so you can get into Snape's character (i've done this, Vash_the_Dork)

You have 2 (100 MB) ZIP disk full of stories you've saved
(vash_the_dork)

You watch TV and suddenly snort when something reminds you of a joke in a fic (Vash_the_dork)

When wearing all black, you tell people you are in a Severus mood (vash_the_dork)

Your friend has IMed you, and since you're reading you don't pay any attention - until she types SNAPE! in all caps. Then you go back to reading, because she only did it to make you look. (oddplaces)

You're vaguely surprised by het plotlines in novels. (oddplaces)

You own, despite parental risk, every slashy novel you can get your hands on. You keep them in a special section of your bookshelf, carefully blocked from all angles so no one notices them. (oddplaces)