urgh.

[krait]

I have SO MANY THINGS that I need to do in, y'know, real life. Everything from "file taxes" to "figure out how to find an apartment with roommate(s)". And I have SO MANY THINGS that I want need to do in online life, too, from "finish that one fic" to "finish that other fic" to "write for the HSKM Fillathon" to "make a rec post"!

I just can't seem to... do any of them?

I've spent years suspecting I have low-grade depression, and it's things like this that fuel my suspicions. Surely other people don't find everything in their life an impossible cliff-face of "how do I even start"? Seriously, though, let's have a talk about how our culture aggressively and very subtly normalises romance and marriage, and I could join twenty-nine separate sites dedicated to finding a romantic partner but can't name a single place dedicated to "I just need to find a person to live with who is NOT secretly expecting romance" offhand.

I feel like my ENTIRE LIFE has been on hold for ten eternal, useless years and my paid-for adulthood got lost in the mail; I want to have my own residence where I can live my own life, in really basic ways like having friends visit and making my own food! I wanted to be sterilised by age 25; I'm now closer to menopause than to that goal. I want to have a cat, for crying out loud. These are pretty freaking basic goals, and I feel like I'm about as close to them as I am to discovering unaided human flight. *rolls eyes* I hate whining to the internet, but - ! It feels like that's all I'm capable of doing.

In conclusion: I hate reality and the job market and my life from the perspective of a line graph. Considering that I'm pretty darn well-off anyway just makes me want to bite whatever's nearest to my teeth.

Comments

[sylvaine]

*hugs* I feel ya, particularly re: the insurmountable cliff of doing *anything*.

[pebblerocker]

Oh, I know some of those feelings. So many things to do and they never happen no matter how strongly I intend to do them. How do you get out of it? I don't know, sadly.

I really want for you to get a cat soon, and then you can cuddle the cat and feel happy.

[novembermond]

I feel you. :(

[elaineofshalott]

Ahaha, GPOY. (Sort of.) I mean, I have a cat already. They help tremendously--or at least, not having a cat is terrible.

Re: flatmates: craigslist? That is where everyone I know goes to find flatmates and/or apartments, if they don't already have friends they want to live with.

Re: getting things done: it can be overwhelming when things have piled up and there is so much to work on that you don't know where to start. I've been trying to stick to a writing schedule, myself. The general strategy--I got this from a writing self-help book--is to commit to writing (or doing something that furthers your writing--research, storyboarding, whatever) for 15 minutes per day, 5 to 7 days a week. It sounds stupidly small, 15 minutes, but it adds up, and ends up being more than one would do if one were just paralyzed with indecision. (Plus I end up going well over the 15-minute mark because I get engrossed in what I'm doing.) Maybe make it your goal to "work on x for y minutes" rather than "get x done"?

[pebblerocker]

That sounds really helpful for my situation. Sometimes I sit down to write and find an email that needs answering and then do this and that and then it's bedtime and I didn't write at all. So even a tiny amount of committed concentration time, if I stick to it, sounds like it'd work well.

[blnchflr]

A lot of that sounds AWFULLY familiar - I do know a site for finding flatmates, though (or, people looking for flatmates), since I had to find and use it when I moved to Copenhagen, and was suddenly staying longer than 2,5 months.

IF I get around to buying an apartment (so much money :'( !), I want to get a cat - even if I worry whether I'm even capable of caring for it (I have nightmares where I forget to feed my cats - for MONTHS).

[pinesandmaples]

Roommates.com looks wildly skeezy. Most of my friends met their roommates or housemates socially via church, their local UU fellowship, a book group, or through work.

Our last housemate had many of the same complaints, but he also refused to meet people or spend time leaving the house unless it would result in sex.